In the ever-evolving world of parenting advice, a new suggestion from sexuality educator Deanne Carson has managed to surprise, confuse, and anger people in equal measure. Carson proposes that parents ask their babies for consent before a diaper change. While the headline is certainly provocative, a closer look at the reasoning behind it reveals a more complex conversation about respect, communication, and how we define consent for the youngest members of our families.
Carson, who advocates for a “culture of consent” from birth, is quick to clarify that she does not expect infants to answer. The practice is symbolic and behavioral. By verbally stating an intention—”I’m going to pick you up now”—and pausing to observe the child, parents can begin modeling a pattern of respectful interaction. For Carson and her supporters, this is less about the diaper itself and more about planting the earliest seeds of bodily autonomy. They see it as a proactive way to build a foundation that will help a child understand and assert their boundaries later in life.
The backlash, however, has been loud and widespread. Commentators like psychologist John Rosemond have derided the idea as “bizarre,” suggesting it represents a departure from common sense. The online sphere has been even less forgiving, with countless memes and comments mocking the concept. The central critique is that infants are incapable of consent and that the parent’s role is to provide unwavering care, not to seek permission for essential tasks. From this perspective, a prompt diaper change is an act of love and responsibility, not a violation.
'Sexuality expert' says parents should ask for baby's consent when changing nappies.
Yes, really… pic.twitter.com/iR6wUfP87i
— Sunrise (@sunriseon7) May 10, 2018
Interestingly, the debate has also uncovered a group of defenders who separate Carson’s extreme example from her broader goal. These individuals suggest that while asking for diaper consent may feel silly, the principle of communicating respectfully with one’s child is sound. They argue that the vitriol directed at Carson misses an opportunity to discuss how to practically instill values of consent in an age-appropriate way as a child grows.
This intense discussion ultimately underscores a significant shift in parenting culture. The question is no longer just about keeping a child fed and safe, but also about how caregiving practices contribute to their psychological development. Whether one agrees with Deanne Carson or not, her suggestion has successfully launched a thousand conversations in living rooms and online forums about what it means to respect a child from their very first days.
