As a neurologist, my demanding job leaves little time for romance. So, when my coworker Nathan set me up on a blind date with Jake, I was excited to see where things would go. Our evening started off great, but it all fell apart when I shared my three-year dating rule. Was I being too upfront, or was Jake just not the right guy for me?
I’d almost given up on dating, focusing instead on my career. But Nathan’s enthusiasm was infectious, and I agreed to meet Jake. We chose a quaint restaurant, and as I walked in, I spotted Jake sitting by the window. He looked up, smiled, and waved me over.
Our conversation flowed easily, and I found myself laughing and feeling at ease. We talked about our jobs, hobbies, and interests. Jake seemed kind, funny, and genuinely interested in getting to know me.
As we ordered our main course, Jake asked me about my plans for the future. I shared my goals, including advancing in my career and traveling. He seemed impressed, and we continued to chat.
But things took a turn when Jake asked me about marriage and family. I explained that I didn’t see marriage as a necessity, but if it happened, that would be great. As for children, I wasn’t sure if I wanted any. Jake leaned forward, looking serious, and asked me how long I’d wait before marrying someone I loved.
I explained my three-year plan: six months to get to know someone, a year of serious dating, and a year and a half of living together before considering engagement or marriage. Jake’s expression changed, and he frowned.
“What if someone wants a quicker timeline?” he asked, his tone abrupt.
I reiterated the importance of building a strong foundation in a relationship. Jake called the waitress, paid, and walked out of the restaurant without a word.
I sat there, stunned and hurt. What had just happened? I messaged Jake, asking why he’d left so suddenly, but he blocked me after responding that I was indecisive and not serious about what I wanted.
The next day, I confronted Nathan, who told me that Jake had said I was wasting his time. Jake wanted something serious, and I wasn’t the right person for him.
I couldn’t believe it. Had I been too upfront about my expectations? Should I have kept my three-year rule to myself? I called my best friend, Sophie, seeking her advice.
Sophie reassured me that being honest about my expectations was important. If Jake couldn’t handle that, it was his loss. She reminded me that everyone has their own timeline and needs, and what matters is staying true to myself.
Though Sophie’s words comforted me, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d done something wrong. Was my three-year rule really that strange? Should I have been more flexible?
All I know is that being honest about what I want is important, even if it means losing a date like Jake. What would you have done?
