In today’s society, using someone’s preferred name and pronouns is a fundamental aspect of showing respect and acknowledging their identity. However, not everyone adheres to this practice, often clinging to outdated norms or disregarding individuals’ gender identities.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, a 37-year-old non-binary individual, faced this challenge firsthand when they gave birth to their son, Hudson, in October 2020. Despite identifying as male at the time and using he/him/his pronouns (Kaspar-Williams now identifies as non-binary and uses both he/him/his and they/them pronouns), they encountered nurses who repeatedly misgendered them, referring to them as a mother rather than a father.
Kaspar-Williams began their transition in 2014, after realizing they were transgender in 2011. Although they underwent top surgery, they chose not to undergo procedures on their lower body. The journey of pregnancy and childbirth was a complex and emotional experience for Kaspar-Williams, who felt disheartened by medical staff assuming their gender and mislabeling them as a mother.
Despite specifying their gender on medical forms, the nursing staff continued to misgender Kaspar-Williams during interactions. This experience sparked a desire in Kaspar-Williams to advocate for the recognition that childbirth is no longer necessarily tied to gender identity. They emphasized the importance of disconnecting womanhood from motherhood, highlighting the discomfort they felt when repeatedly addressed as “mom” despite identifying as male.
Kaspar-Williams shared their thoughts, stressing that the assumption that all women can become mothers is a false equivalency. “No one can ever really know whether having children is possible until you try — being born with a uterus doesn’t make conceiving or carrying a certainty,” they said. This poignant statement underscores the complexities of identity and the importance of respecting individuals’ self-identification.
Kaspar-Williams’ story serves as a powerful reminder of the need to break down barriers and challenge outdated norms. By sharing their experience, they hope to raise awareness and promote understanding, encouraging others to respect and acknowledge individuals’ identities.
