When Christina Mills Novak’s mother, Florence “Flo” Harrelson, passed away, Novak wrote an unconventional obituary that has since gone viral. The four-sentence obituary was a candid reflection of Novak’s complicated relationship with her mother, and it has sparked a larger conversation about the complexities of family dynamics.
Novak’s obituary was not a traditional tribute to her mother’s life. Instead, it was a honest and sarcastic account of Harrelson’s impact on those around her. The obituary stated that Harrelson had “burnt bridges and left a wake of destruction” in her path, and that she had died without family by her side.
Novak has explained that her relationship with her mother was tumultuous, and that she had not spoken to her in over a decade. She only found out about her mother’s death after noticing that things were “too quiet” and googling her name. Novak’s experience is not unique, and her obituary has resonated with many people who have had similar experiences with their own family members.
The complexities of family relationships are often difficult to navigate, and they can be a source of significant stress and anxiety. According to clinical social worker and published author Brene Brown, disappointment and unmet expectations are often at the root of these complexities. When we have unrealistic expectations of our family members, we can feel criticized, judged, or dismissed, leading to feelings of resentment and anger.
So, how can we navigate these difficult relationships? One strategy is to learn about our family’s history and the dynamics that have shaped our relationships. Reflecting on our own triggers and reactions can also help us to better understand ourselves and our place within our families. Making notes and preparing for difficult conversations can also be helpful, as can setting boundaries and taking breaks when necessary.
Ultimately, Novak’s obituary is a reminder that family relationships are complex and multifaceted. While they can be a source of love and support, they can also be a source of stress and anxiety. By being honest and open about our experiences, we can work to build more positive and supportive relationships with our family members.
